Children Lost: A Clockwork Tangerine 

At 24 years old, I am still considered a youth in the UK. I can enjoy the benefits of a railcard and most importantly, I am allowed to make mistakes. My foolishness could be dismissed with, “Oh, she’s just young!” To some extent, I can still afford to have my life in a bit of a mess.   

I used to believe that growing up would magically erase all my flaws and imperfections. I imagined a clear line between youth and adulthood, a moment when everything would suddenly make sense. But life doesn’t offer such clear, distinct markers. No one ever taught us how to differentiate between the child we were and the adult we are becoming.   

I noticed a shift when my friends and I naturally started shaking hands when introducing new acquaintances. I used to laugh at this seemingly old-fashioned, distinctly adult etiquette. Now, I see these “adult” behaviours becoming more common around me, and I also recognise some of them in myself.   

Here are some of the ways I’ve noticed that I’ve started to display these adult characteristics:   

1. I worry about drawing attention to myself through my actions or words in public, conscious of the impression I leave on others.   

2. People no longer offer me unsolicited help, as if I am now expected to navigate life’s complexities on my own.   

3. I feel a sense of responsibility to guide those younger than me, hoping to offer them the wisdom I once sought.   

4. I’ve learned to accept the passing of loved ones, understanding that grief is a part of the human experience that shapes us.   

5. The amount of lucky money I receive during Chinese New Year has decreased, a subtle reminder that childhood’s carefree days are slipping away.   

6. When a close friend announced her pregnancy, I realized that we are entering a new chapter where life is created and nurtured.   

7. My threshold for happiness has increased. What does happiness even mean now? It seems more elusive, tied to moments of peace rather than bursts of joy.   

8. Going out has become synonymous with shopping and dining, a shift from carefree adventures to structured experiences.   

Life is like a makeshift troupe, in which we are all pretending to be adults.